Friday, April 13, 2007
Mom's passing yesterday was a miracle in love. She loved life so much and fought so hard to maintain her dignity and independence, and she achieved her life's goal in the final minutes of her life. I never would have believed such a thing could happen if I hadn't been there right with her. She taught each of us something in her final breaths. I learned this had nothing to do with me at all. Often times I get caught up in situations, trying to be the everything to everyone, but her final needs had nothing to do with me, beyond my being an instrument in accomplishing the bigger event. I cared for her physical being, helping to keep her as alert and functioning as possible until the real mission was accomplished. I am honored to have been the caretaker in this event. The miracle happened between my mother and my two younger brothers. They have been at enmity for years which intensified at my father's death a few years ago. Well yesterday morning, very early...4:00am, all of my nursing instincts swore that mom was nearing her time...a mere few hours. So by 6:30 I was calling all of my siblings, one by one and holding the phone to her ear and had told them to please take this private time with her...only Mom would hear their final love messages for her. Each of mom's children and most of the grandchildren were called and were able to tell Grandma/mom there final thoughts and give her their love. We there in the room did the same thing. Around 10:00 am the hospice nurse arrived on her pre-arranged visit and said that Mom had passed on. She had no heartbeat, no pulse, no blood pressure, but she was still breathing. The Hospice nurse said that this would soon stop and to call her when it stopped and she would come back. Well.....it didn't stop. And after about 1 hour, her heart was beating and she had a faint pulse and her color came back, but she was still not responding to pain or touch or voice. We light a candle that was sent to me by one of my farmgirl friends. It was in a lovely holder with Jesus holding a lamb on it. We burned this for the rest of the day. We brushed her hair told funny loving stories, read to mom her favorite Bible passages, Dad's obituary that my brother wrote and a story I wrote about her as a child and her relationship with her grandmother. She breathed on. We couldn't figure this out, because her heart had become so faint and weak again.....but still she breathed on. Then about 6:00pm, my youngest brother called and was talking to my other brother....the two who were on the outs. They had a wonderful conversation, while my brother was sitting next to my mother. I walked into the room and heard how they were talking and laughing and sharing and said, "This is exactly what Mom has been waiting for. Her greatest wish over the past 5 years was for the two of you to be talking again." Right at that moment, Mom's breathing relaxed and she went home. Dear heavens......If I hadn't seen it and been a part of it, I never would have believed it."
Now I've witnessed death so many times over 24 years and been the last voice and last touch to so many people, and I swear, I have never seen anything like this. Mom without a heartbeat, no pressure and no pulse hanging on for hours and hours......for this family miracle to happen.
I also knew deep in my heart, that Mom and I were 100% ok. This had nothing to do with me....I was merely the instrument for this to be able to happen. I am humbled and I am so lucky to have had a mother....all the way to her end.
One last thought. My daughters age 7 and 9 were so involved with Mom's care that I am so very proud of their courage and love shown to their grandmother. They placed fresh picked flowers in her hair after helping me clean and dress her after her passing. Mom and I talked about the girls alot and she was so concerned that this may be too much for them to witness, but....this is the way it used to be. Old taking care of young, young taking care of old. They are just returning to a more loving way of caring for family and they proved to me that they are strong, loving children. They to see them give grandma one more cuddle. To touch her hand and caress her face and place flower in her freshly combed and braided hair. That is family love and courage.
Thanks for blogging with me....blessings,
Posted by auntgeorge at Friday, April 13, 2007